Axioms of the Marriage Covenant

Cross-Needs Responsibility

Until marriage, one’s individual needs have ultimately been that person’s responsibility. In accord with Gen. 2:24, in the union of marriage the two shall become one flesh. This of course carries several connotations, but also presents a wonderful opportunity: in the unity of a marriage relationship each partner can mutually assume responsibility for his or her mate’s needs. Knowing that your mate is now lovingly attending to your needs creates a wonderfully comforting and bonding atmosphere in which to grow together “as one.”

Feelings

As humans each of us is endowed with feelings; they are a part of the gifting from God which distinguishes us from the animal kingdom. Human emotions and feelings are neither good nor bad, right nor wrong – they are simply feelings which we all have. Openly communicating our own feelings to each other allows each mate to better understand the other, and equips him or her with vital information that might otherwise be overlooked, and thus possibly discerned as indifference. Empathy and concern for the other first, are a part of the glue which bonds the partners together into “one.”

The Role of Spiritual Leadership

The husband is to be the spiritual leader of the wife and family (Eph. 5:22-32, cf. Gen. 2:24). This role, however, is not confined to that of final arbiter. It also entails initiator and overseer of all spiritual matters within the family unit, and must include input respecting the wife (1 Peter 3:1-4,7).

The Role of Warrior Wife

God has wired men and women differently – for good reasons. Men tend to be adept at focusing on the task at hand. Women by nature are multi-taskers. Thus, one of the wife’s roles is to guard and protect her husband’s back side – as would a fellow warrior – from the things he may not have seen or considered.

(See Gen. 2:18, and attached discussion of the Hebrew “ezer canegdo” )

Respecting One Another’s Uniqueness

God has given each of us unique gifts, abilities and interests. These are not to be squelched in the process of becoming one in marriage, but rather are to be pooled for the strength of the marriage, with each partner allowing the other to be uniquely themselves within the unity of marriage.

Pray Together

Daily prayer, openly and together, is a powerful means of maintaining the unity and fullness that God intended in the oneness of marriage. Embrace this discipline faithfully and watch the blessings flow.

Ezer Canegdo

(The Hebrew “helper” from Genesis 2:18)

Introduction

We read in Genesis 2:18 where, after creating Adam, Elohim says, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable[1] to him.” But the original Hebrew text gives us a more in depth perspective and meaning through the two transliterated words, ezer and canegdo. This is explained below.

Word Study

First, the Hebrew word “ezer” is Strong’s No. 05828, meaning helper or to help. The root word from which “ezer” is taken is “azar,” Strong’s No. 05826, meaning ally, protector, or supporter. An example of its use is found in the last line of Psalms 10:14, “You are the helper (i.e., to help, or in the Hebrew, succor ) of the fatherless.”

Second, the Hebrew word “conegdo” is Strong’s No. 05048, meaning in front of, in sight of, opposite to, or against. When joined together (as in the text) these two Hebrew words may seem to be contradictory (but only to the Greek logic and mind set). As an example, the Apostle Paul is in part expressing this expanded concept (in the Hebrew logic and mind set) in 1 Corinthians 11:11-12, when understood in context.

Explanation and Conclusion

When taken together, the Hebrew words “ezer canegdo,” can literally be interpreted to mean “a helper against him [Adam].” Again, this may seem odd or even contradictory, but when analyzed in its fullest meaning and intent it is not. Here is the explanation as to why. It is well known that even an ideal covenant marriage is not necessarily one of total agreement on all matters. Often it is the wife’s responsibility under covenantal terms to oppose her husband for the purpose of preventing him from acting rashly, or to help him achieve a common course by questioning, criticizing and discussing. An example of this is found in Genesis 21:9-13.

Thus, we see that ultimately the concept behind “ezer canegdo” is indeed that of a helper, but it can, and should, be both in a supporting and a questioning role, for the purpose of ensuring a positive outcome for the two who have become “one,” plus the family unit as a whole. And, it is from this that the Hebrew marriage tradition of the bride encircling her groom seven times has come about. It is saying, “I have your back, so you (we, really) won’t be blind-sighted.” There are times when a wife can best be a helper by being “against” her husband, for the right reasons.

[1] Some English Bible versions say, “corresponding to him,” or “help meet/mate.”